Cope.

If you’re a writer: “Write when your heart aches.”

If you’re an artist: “Create if you’re bothered.”

If you’re a singer: “Sing a sad song if you wish.” 

If you’re a dancer: “Let what you feel be what you do with the beat.”

 

I am not an artist, a singer, a dancer; I am only a writer. And this is me, writing while my heart aches out of disappointment.

 

It isn’t surprising that my heart has once again been shattered by the same boy. The VERY same boy. Still, why am I disappointed, if it’s the selfsame boy? Because, if that was the case, I shouldn’t be shocked, right? For a span of few months, he made me live in this world where we were together. A world I would gladly choose back then without skipping a beat. A world where I thought this time, this could be it. He is my future.

 

But the record scratches and the frames fall and shatter, and that future was again taken away from me. You, yes you, the very same boy I fall for every goddamn time, had let words slip out of your mouth and meaning not a single word. I know you’ve said that I’ve always doubted you, and that it’s mostly my fault why we fell apart now, but, can you blame me? I won’t put out my reasoning.

 

So tell me, why is it that I always fall for you? Why do you keep coming back and I keep letting you in? Is this a curse? A spell? No, it’s goddamn reality, and that’s sad.

Advertisements

There is no plot twist.

This year has been a crazy, wild ride. I was gifted with family, friends, and that special someone who makes my heart happier than it was before.

I’ve been blessed with the people who surround my personal space, with the talents God has given me, and for the adventures and lessons that this year has brought me. But, as much as I would want to give light to the positive things that I’ve encountered this year, I have been weighed more with each awaking moment in which I wished I was dead instead.

“Oh, but why? You’ve got everything! You ungrateful bastard!” You would say. Well, no. Even with the amount of joy that may have been granted upon me, the catch is that I will ALWAYS face its downside; that is, being lonely than I already am. You have all these people around you, people who support and yearn for your success, and yet, you feel so alone when the clock hits 3 AM. There’s no one you can count on, no one to lean on, no one you can call to talk about your demons with.

Not even the person you’re in love with. Sometimes, it’s that very person that triggers all of your emotions at once. And sometimes, you screw things up because these demons play tricks to the one you love. They’ll break your relationship, make you realize you’re actually better off on your own. The fact that you should be fighting off your own demons than to drag someone with you is already disappointing you. What a dependent, shitty person I am. Do I even deserve this person in front of my cellphone screen? Do I deserve his reply, even when he has none?

There is no plot twist. God knows I’ve been hysterically asking Him to make my 2017 a year I won’t forget. There is no plot twist. There is no plot twist. There is no plot twist. There is no plot twist. There is no plot twist. There is no plot twist.

Still, you try to subside all these thoughts and feelings away, for the sake of the ones you love and care most about. Who cares, right? Put a mask. Suppress everything. It’s what I do best anyway. There’s more to my story, but it’s a surface I can’t break. It’s too deep that even I can’t fathom what lies underneath. What stories are yet to be told. No one’s willing to listen. So, I’ll keep them to myself until I die.

 

I wish I was dead. Or maybe I’ve always been dead with every passing minute. Or you know, maybe I’m dead now, after you’ve read this.

 

There is still no plot twist.

Embracing the new.

Hello, readers! It’s me again. I can’t seem to get rid of my blog. And myself. I love writing, I love blogging (even if sometimes I know no one or only a few people actually read/s my posts) but I can’t help it. It’s my passion. And I live for it.

So now, onto the main subject of this post. It’s entitled “embracing the new” for a reason. I plan on writing “one-shot” stories or what we call “short stories” in my blog. It won’t really be one of the short stories where it’s about 20 pages with 4,000 words or so. I’ll make it short, simple and do it just the way I like. The stories will contain characters (of course) with a plot and everything. I don’t expect that it’ll actually be very good, but I’m just giving this a shot in hopes that my ideas will not be put to waste or forgotten. I used to write one-shot stories for my friends in Wattpad, but I’ve deleted them all because they sucked and cringe-worthy–I’m just giving this one-shot writing a second chance. (You can personally message me and I’ll give you the link of my old Wattpad account. Yes, I love embarrassing myself.) Who knows?

Having that said, I really encourage you to tell me what you think after I’ve posted one of my short stories in the near future. Comment everything (just make sure it’s reasonable and not that mean, please.) you wish to say to me. Or do tell me now if you like the idea of my doing it. I’ll be posting one of my short stories in a few weeks from now, or maybe less. I hope it will be a success and I hope I won’t fail you, my readers; even if there are only a few of you. I treasure you all 🙂

So…see you in my next journey! We’ll embrace this new change together. Stay alive, everyone.