Midnight Talking

You lie awake at night, 

asking the same thing.
Is this right,
to feel everything?

 

The voices don’t cease,
as if they’re playing automatically.
It’s hard to feel bliss,
the voices saying, “Can’t you be kind to me?”

 

Feeling melancholy,
you tell yourself that it’s okay.
Is this where you should be?
To live helplessly everyday?

 

One voice whispered, “Hey, shouldn’t you be gone?”
You retorted, “Do you think so?”
And it replied, “Should I give you a reason?”
So you pondered, should you go?

 

The clock strikes half past one in the morning,
But you are restive as you lie.
You await for people’s awakening,
and look forward for midnight to die.

 

Until then, agony becomes your friend.
Death becomes your acquaintance.
Life becomes your enemy.
Yourself is what you pity —

 

Until midnight reaches its end.

 

 

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Pagod. (Tagalog Poem)

Dapat ipikit

Ang maririkit

Mong mga mata;

Ipahinga at saka muling magsimula.

Ihaon mo ang yong kamay,
Sapagkat ito’y nangangalay.

Huminga ka,

At ipahid ang mga luha.

Utak mo’y nangingilo

Litong lito, hilong hilo.

Pagod sa buong araw

Na pag-aaral; hanggang sa ito’y umapaw.

Bibig mo’y nanginginig,

Di maintindihan ang tindig.

Maputla at tuyo,

Mula sa buhay na kinalbaryo.

Mararamdaman mong

Nawawalan ka na ng pulso.

Makakibo, ay di magawa

Pagiging uto-uto ang naging pag-asa.

Pagod at lungkot

Patuloy na sumulpot.

Mga pangarap ay dumidilim,

Nararamdama’y kinikimkim.

Pagod ang nagsilbing kumot
Kasama ng kaba at takot.

Sarili’y di inalagaan,

Buhay patuloy na pinabayaan.

 

Will you?

“You’re worthless,” 

My mom said.

“You’re stupid as fuck,”

My dad said. 


“I’m alright,” 

I said.

“Stay strong,”

They said.

“Hold on tight,”

My brain said.

“Wanna rot and die?”

My heart said.


Am I truly worthless?

Or maybe not.

So I took the blade,

And put it on my wrist.


Blood spilling,

Tears falling,

Heart breaking,

Tired of living.


This time,

I cut deeper.

Thoroughly.

Surely.


Oh, the pain,

The agony, 

The hurt,

They don’t all go away.


Tell me, God, 

Is this how it is?

Swallowed by the 

Words of others.


Tonight, I plan

On dying, leaving,

Fading.

Will you miss me?

 

Our common humanity.

Why not accept

What is the obvious?

Are we, people—

Always so hard-headed?



For one God 

Created us all;

Beneath the skin,

Lie our souls.



Stop the 

Stereotyping, 

The discrimination,

The racism, the superiority.



The  homophobic acts,
The rape culture,

The act of violence

And injustice.



Goddamn it, people!

When shall we stop?

When we are all dead?

Wake up, open your eyes!



This is not 

What we are 

Supposed to be,

Are we not? 



We are human beings,

Designed for greatness.

Designed for good,

For integrity.



Yet! 

Yet, we have thrown 

Away God’s gift.

What a shame.



Until then,

Our common humanity
Is a fiction; 

A demoralized truth.



For its people,

Are not yet ready.

For the people,

Are living in stupidity. 


 

Fear of failure.

Suddenly, exams are here

What do you do?

You should never fear,

For what I say is true.


Exams help us in different ways

It retains knowledge and tests our skills

But in some days, 

We’re afraid of falling like we’re on a steeply hill.


Do your best,

Accept your failure.

For a written test,

Isn’t where knowledge is measured.


Breathe in, breathe out

And let this go.

This isn’t what life is all about;

You must take things slow.


You are not your grades.

Perhaps, you are yourself.

So don’t take that blade,

Put it back on the shelf.


You are reserved for far greater things,

Something worthwhile. 

You’re only a human being,

Gentle and fragile. 


 

“House” not “Home”

I am raised by my parents
Sometimes they’re there
Sometimes they weren’t
And when I grew older
I woke up into reality
A nightmare so horrifying

One day I’d hear mom and dad arguing
About something that isn’t worth fighting
I’d be on my bed all night
Trying to choke down the tears that are coming
I question myself “Is this what you call a family?”
Nothing but fights, lectures and feeling suffocated?

I should be grateful I have a house to live in
But I cannot consider it a home like yours
Because a home consists of happiness and contentment
Ours is rather dark, mad and broken

And when I’m lucky, my parents get along well
They’d laugh about anything and talk in a mild tone
And in those moments I started to genuinely smile
I felt like I could finally call this place “home”

But then grey skies poured over the earth
Everything was back to “normal”
Back to the old routines of our shattered selves
And I would cry myself all over again
Like I did in days like these

But…
One question lingers my mind
As I stay inside this destroyed house of ours
How can you feel so incomplete
when you were intact in the first place?